Esa mañanita Grama Cuca was heating up some water to fill the cajete. As Canutito watched her, she put the tin tub en el medio de la cocina. She then arranged chairs with their backs to the tub and threw some fresadas viejas over them. Canutito watched as she arranged the old blankets and then he asked, "Uh, grama," he began, "¿Qué está haciendo?"

"Oh m'hijo," she said, "I am going to take un bath aquí in the middle of the kitchen. Por eso I arranged un espacio for some privacy."

"¿Por qué doesn't mi grampo just install running water como allá in the city?" Canutito pressed on.

"He don't believe en esas cosas," Grama Cuca replied. Les tiene miedo. I think having running water en la casa scares him. Una vez when we were en un hotel en Santa Fe, I took un shower allí. It was all so comfortable que I just started singing in the shower. De repente, tu grampo broke into el shower a ver qué estaba pasando. He had heard me cantando and he thought que me estaba ahogando; that I was drowning en el agua del shower. That's the last time que canté mientras que me bañaba."

Canutito pondered his grampo's fear of modern convenencias as he watched Grama Cuca bring some more agua caliente over de la estufa and dump it into the cajete. "Do you think que mi grampo will ever install a real restroom en la casa, grama?" Canutito asked. "I mean, I get tired of walking all the way pa'l común allá afuera especially when it is so frío."

"I don't think so, m'hijo," Grama Cuca replied. Él no trostea any kind of running water en la casa. Por eso he don't want un toilet aquí adentro. He says 'I remember cuando yo estaba chiquito que people would eat inside and go pee outside. Ahora, people pee inside and go eat allá afuera. The whole world está todo al revés.' And, no nomás eso, he also said que when people use el basin they can just put a lid right on el chamberpot pero con un toilet, if you put in any normal stuff como güajos de manzana or pages del Montgomey-Ward, lo plogueas and it overflows por todo el suelo."

Grama Cuca continued filling the tub for her weekly bath mientras que she went on criticizing Grampo Caralampio's lack of modernization. "¿Has visto esos nuevos cell phones que toda la plebecita all has?" Grama asked as she felt the water temperature.

"Sí," Canutito said, nodding and wishing que él también could have uno de esos cell phones.

"Well," Grama Cuca went on, "el otro día izque una teenage girl, a little older than you, por accidente dropped su cell phone down el toilet. La tontita, instead of pulling it out con la mano and washing it off, decided to flush it down. Pues, izque se atoró; stuck right en las meras pipes and clogged todo pa' la fregada. Since her sister también had un cell phone she dialed her sister's number y de somewhere inside el toilet, alquien respondió."

"Really, grama?" Canutito asked, all shocked. "Did someone really answer from inside the toilet? Had el cell phone gone down hasta el Infierno and got answered por el Diablo?"

"No, m'hijo," Grama Cuca chuckled. "The Devil hadn't answered the cell phone. Yo creyo que lo que pasó es que the cell phone got dislodged and flowed all the way down hasta el sewage treatment plant y allá los workers heard it ring y lo respondieron."

Canutito started laughing at the idea que el telefón adentro del común got answered by someone on the inside. "Are you sure que no lo respondió el Tidy-Bowl Man, grama?" he teased.

"Pues m'hijo," Grama Cuca said, "you and I both know lo que pasó but your grampo still will not sentarse en un toilet inside the house porque he's afraid que va a repicar or vibrate or something."

Canutito walked away de la cocina shaking his head in disbelief...

¿Le gustaría compartir sus propias anécdotas o comentar con Torres sobre esta columna? Envíele un correo electrónico a lartor@unm.edu.