"Grampo, did you ever have un amigo that was always bragging de how good he was?" Canutito asked Grampo Caralampio una mañana when they were both sitting around almorzando corn flakes.

"What do you mean m'hijo?" grampo asked him.

"Pues, my friend Xavier was asking me si yo tenía una girlfriend. I told him que no porque I was too young y él me dijo que he had a real nice one. He told me que she was '36-24-36-and that's only in one leg, mind you'—y I didn't know what he meant."

"Well, I don't know about eso, Grampo Caralampio replied. Any girl that is 36-24-36 only en una pierna has got to look como el Michelin Man, todo puffy. Pero your friend Xavier does remind me de un amigo mío called el Resbalón."

"Why is he called 'el Resbalón', grampo?" Canutito asked him.

"Well maybe it's because his body looks like it came from a res and his head looks like un balón."

Canutito smiled pensando en el hombre who had the body that looked like it came from a cow and and had the head of a balloon. That would really be extraño.

"Pero," Grampo Caralampio went on, "he did have muncho talento. He could write canciones de amor at the drop of a sombrero."

"Really, grampo?" Canutito questioned. "Could he really write love songs?

"Pus chur, m'hijo," grampo said. "He wrote one about his girlfriend Josephine. I think it went algo como esto: Arbolito de manzana, préstame tu sombra fina para sacarme una espina que traigo en el corazón que me duele y me lastima. ¡Válgame Dios, Josefina!"

"That sure is a pretty canción, grampo," Canutito remarked, trying to translate it into English out loud: "Little apple tree so lovely, oh please lend me shady green to remove a thorn so bitter that I'm carrying still within. God help me, darling Josephine!"

"Como te dije," grampo went on, "When I sang it to your Grama Cuca, right away she jumped all over me and asked me: ¿Por qué es que you never write canciones de amor for me?"

"And did you, grampo?" Canutito asked him. "Did you write a love song para mi grama?

"Pus, I tried, m'hijo," grampo replied pero como que it didn't have the same poetic quality como las canciones del Resbalón.

"What did your love song sound like, grampo? Canutito wondered out loud.

"Well mine went something like this: "Ay mi darling Cuca, you are such a pretty ruca even though sometimes you can be a pain in the nuca!"

Canutito could almost see his Grama Cuca toda mortified by being told que she was sometimes una pain in the neck.

"I didn't think it was too bad to sing this canción," grampo went on. "After all, there is una cure for pains in the neck."

"Really, grampo?" Canutito asked him. What kind of a cure is there for a pain in the neck?"

"Well, I think that it is called 'la penquila'" Grampo Caralampio replied.

"I've never heard of 'la penquila' grampo," Canutito said slowly back to him.

"That's because that's not what it's called," screeched Grama Cuca coming into the room. "It is called 'pain killer' and it never worked well tampoco."

"Well, since it didn't work well, then it would have been como my other friend 'el Aceite Mexicano', grampo said.

"Why was your friend called 'Mexican Oil', grampo?" Canutito wondered.

"He was called that porque he was used for everything pero para nada sirve," came the reply.

"That would be a good descripción de mi amigo Xavier also," Canutito remarked.

¿Le gustaría compartir sus propias anécdotas o comentar con Torres sobre esta columna? Envíele un correo electrónico a lartor@unm.edu.