What did we do before Facebook? For that matter, what did we do before the Internet and cellphones? In the overloaded hard drive that is my memory, I recall meeting people face to face, handwriting letters and having photographs developed. Modern technology has not only created its own vocabulary but its own etiquette dilemmas — like those that the following Facebook users have encountered.

Question: A friend, going through a breakup, frantically texted me because the ex had "unfriended" her. Once we confirmed I was still the ex's friend,
she asked me to look at his photo albums to see if images of the two as a couple were still posted. They were gone. What are the Facebook rules for exes? — E.W., Santa Fe

Answer: It's a cruel irony that in a few swift keystrokes evidence of a relationship disappears into the nether-sphere but, unfortunately, the pain does not. The aftermath of a breakup on Facebook shares similarities to the ones we see in the tabloids. The public eye consists of "friends" who chronicle the rise and fall of a digital love story with "posted" musings and "likes."

A jilted friend explained it this way: "First comes the changing of the relationship status, then the unfriending and then the systematic expunging of our pictures representing our life together. I felt really vulnerable and ashamed when I realized associates found out about the breakup from Facebook. It made a painful situation more painful."

Unless you live together, get engaged or are married, steer clear of including your relationship status on Facebook. Use a journal for grieving and grievances. Posting your pain creates a spectacle, forces friends to choose sides and pushes the ex to address the breakup socially when he/she is unprepared. Breakups are a private affair and posting nothing should build respect, not speculation.

Question: I have friends and acquaintances who post links, comments and photos to my wall. Although I enjoy what they post, I typically remove the posts because I try
to keep Facebook mostly work/art focused. I recently
heard that people can actually be offended by this. What to do? — C.C., Santa Fe

Answer: Facebook relationships are ambiguous and can be likened to a friend's invitation to "stop by any time." But are you expected to call first? Here are suggestions for your scenario.

• Address each posting on an individual basis by sending a private message to the poster requesting that future links or comments be sent as a private message.

• Post the above request on your wall pre-emptively.

• Adjust your settings so that only you can post on your wall.

• Create two Facebook pages, one for personal use and one for professional use.

Question: I recently posted photos of friends and their families at a college reunion. One of the parents was upset with me for including images of her children. The parent and I communicate on Facebook all the time. What did I do wrong? — M.B., Santa Fe

Answer: Last week, I posted a photo of homemade wonton soup my sweetheart made for me. It garnered 15 "likes" and posts. Smartphones make it a snap to post the most banal of amusements. But like "beauty is in the eye of the beholder," privacy is in the eye of the "tagged." Parents can be especially sensitive when it comes to posting images of their children on the Internet. In the fine print, Facebook assumes ownership of all content posted.

It's important to establish boundaries in the moment. Short of suggesting a photo release, ask your subjects for permission to post, especially of milestones like bachelor/bachelorette parties, weddings and birthday celebrations. Email photos for the subjects to vet and post themselves. On the other side of the lens, it's appropriate to tell a shutterbug that you'd prefer no images of you be posted, or you can, of course, simply choose not to have your photo taken. If you see images posted that you'd like removed, send a polite private message or email requesting just that.

Don't miss out by spending all your time posing and posting. Use your photographic memory.

Addendum: The Jan. 8 column "Express yourself -- with pen and paper" elicited the following suggestions on the topic of children and thank-you letters.

• Parents should write on behalf of children too young to write.

• When children learn to speak, have them dictate letters and add their own artistic embellishments.

• Children old enough to wield a pencil should write their own messages. Provide them an incentive to practice this essential etiquette by giving them their own notecards, perhaps monogrammed or personalized in some way.

Bizia Greene owns the Etiquette School of Santa Fe. Send your comments and conundrums to etiquette@etiquettesantafe.com or 988-2070.